Communication is key in any relationship right? What does that mean exactly? Does that only mean when you are already established in a relationship you need to keep the communication open and flowing in order to continue making it work? Or does it mean right from the start? I don’t have the correct answer obviously since I haven’t figured it out myself judging by my overly communicative/word vomit stories, but you would think it should be right from the start. Right?
This weekend was an interesting one for me. I went to a movie by myself on Friday and then watched the SEC championship game on Saturday at home because I could not find someone who wanted to watch it with me at a bar. You know how I always get a weird inkling and it usually turns out the way I think it’s going to turn out? Meaning, it’s going to be the end? SportsJunkie and I aren’t there yet, but I think it’s coming. Or something. Him and I need to communicate and I failed to do that this weekend.
So you know already that SportsJunkie has an interesting work/life schedule. It’s like he is on call at all times and he never knows if he will in fact have off on the days he thinks he will. On Friday night he mentioned to me that he may have to work on Sunday (the day we usually hang out and the day that is technically the start of his weekend) because there was an awards ceremony at the Kennedy Center. I didn’t make a comment that I was sad or mad or anything, although I was very disappointed, of course. I actually mentioned to him that it is kind of cool the things he gets to experience with his job. We didn’t talk much after that since it was late so I told him goodnight.
On Saturday we chatted all day about the SEC championship game. It was a great game! He was able to listen to it and watch it at times while at work. Now looking back on Friday and Saturdays’ texts, I think I did good not leading on to how disappointed I was about his changing schedule. I did have in my mind, though all last week that we haven’t texted as much and was wondering what he was thinking about us. I started to become compulsive about checking my phone, driving myself crazy and calling my friends and family so as to not text/call him and ask dumb questions.
Then on Saturday evening I started to show him my concern with his job hours. I didn’t know I was really doing anything at the time, but I can tell by the conversation we had on the phone last night before we met up that I must’ve made him start second guessing this relationship. Well, I don’t know if it’s second guessing, but it’s something. I can’t really explain it. These texts started immediately the game was over.
So I knew at that point that I really told him too much information and it probably sounded like I was really lonely. We then had small talk for a little bit and eventually I knew he was leaving work soon and I really wanted to see him. I though perhaps even though he is getting off late and I didn’t have to work the next day we could have a sleepover. Even if we didn’t talk much, it still would’ve been nice to be next to him. Keep in mind the tomorrow was Sunday – the day he usually has off.
When I read this text, I got weird chills. I know what this is. I’ve felt it before with alllll my other suitors when things were about to end. then he texted again.
I wrote that last part because, well, at this point I was thinking that maybe he didn’t even WANT to see me. Don’t tell me I can go over there if I want. I want you to want me to come over! Then he wrote ‘Of course!’ Confusing to me. Is he just starting to feel bad? Does he actually in fact like me but is getting that my needs are not being met because of his schedule?
Notice that his text didn’t come in until noon the next day. Where were his good morning texts that he always sends? I was determined to wait until he texted me on Sunday morning. All he said was that he didn’t have to work. We talked about the Browns game and I said good luck to them. Then these texts followed.
I had the weird inkling feeling again after reading that he had to wake up at 4am. They are literally chills I get when I have the feeling. Like a really uncomfortable quick tremble. How long did he know about that? Does that change anything? What does that mean? Is he telling me he doesn’t want to hang out?
At this point, as you can probably tell, I was starting to voice my concern that maybe he just wants this to end and doesn’t really want to hang out with me.
I could’ve killed him. What does he mean ‘What do I want to do?” Are you kidding me? I don’t care if it’s only a couple of hours per week I see him! I like this guy and I thought he liked me too! I have the personality that I will wait around for a guy as long as I know he is waiting around for me as well. I consider a relationship a partnership. There needs to be communication in that partnership and understanding and want and need for the other person. This is why I would be okay with being a military wife. I am okay with not seeing a man EVERY single second of every single day!! All he has to do is look forward to the times we do have together!!! Ugh.
I called him immediately after I thought all those thoughts…
I just had to. It was driving me nuts. Crazy I say. I even called my brother before I called SportsJunkie to calm myself down. I can’t mess this up! What should I say? I have so much on my mind! What is he thinking? I don’t like this weird feeling! I think the end is coming!
We asked each other what was up and we talked about the plan for the evening. I actually told him I want to go over there but he is the one waking up early. He kept saying I am more than welcome to go over to his place but he just can’t stay up too late. I told him I was completely fine with that. Then there was a weird part to the conversation that I can’t even tell you verbatim because I didn’t understand what he was saying!! He something along the lines of…
You have a 9-5 job and I have different hours. While I know it is temporary I wanted to see how this was going to work out with you having the 9-5. [I think he also said something about taking this slow or something to see how it goes???]
I truly, honestly didn’t understand what he was saying so I responded with
He ran through it again and this time I picked up him saying something about how awkward this is to talk about. Oh geez. Here it goes. Then I just said
So you don’t think this is working out?
I mean what else could I say? I really wanted to say, okay hold on, slow down and speak louder and clearer so I can understand what you are saying. Ha. But that one liner is all that came out. I honestly cannot tell you what he said after that besides,
You are more than welcome to come over, I’m just saying.
I then just said,
Okay. Yes, I want to go over there, even if it is for a few hours. I’ll see you soon.
And that was it. I showed up at his house feeling worried of what the night would bring, but I gave him a kiss at the door when I saw him anyways. We sat on the couch watching football, it took him a while to show any affection, but we ended the night making out on the couch. It was not brought up.
Should I have said something? Now I’m freaking out because I don’t know if I will ever have the chance to bring up the conversation on the phone and re-assure I him I want to keep this light as well and I am having fun with only seeing him every so often.
I sent him a text saying goodnight last night and he did not respond. Now it’s 11am on Monday and he has still not sent me a text.